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Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Testing Limits

School's started, and for some reason i feel uneasy.

Vivace has left me feeling mentally and emotionally wrecked for the most part, and I'm really scared it's irreversible. The saying that it's for testing friendships is really true and sadly, I kind of feel like i'm beginning to lose a friend - a person I believed to be a good friend.

Honestly, you can say and do mean things to me, judge me, and I can still be relatively okay, choosing to remember what's been done and sincerely appreciated before. But when you start judging or commenting about or talking behind my back about people dear to me, that's where I think i'm going to draw the line. And that's where i'm beginning to lose my trust bit by bit in said person. Perhaps i'm being over-sensitive about the issue, but i've been pretty intuitive and sharp about these things...

Not to mention that I feel like my confidence has been completely torn apart as well. Like, i've just completed an emailer, but I don't even know whether to be happy with it, because i'm scared that when I show it to the people in the comm, it'll get judged or mocked or rejected or I don't know.

I know I shouldn't seek approval from such people or such places, but some part of me really wants to prove myself. Yet, at the same time, a part of me also wonders why I even need to.

It's also tiring to feel like the things i've always believed in may not last.

Is this SMU's doing? The building of superficiality and hypocrisy?

I'm scared.

But then, in the light of all this, at least I know I'm still surrounded by people who care; people who I can trust no matter what. Thank God for them, because if not for them, I don't know what i'd do...

1:01 AM ·