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Hello (:
01 July 2012
Random Challenge Day 5

Your deepest fear.

Warning: Serious content coming up!

When i was little, i thought that my greatest fear was death, because i hated thinking that there would be a day that my parents, my grandma, my loved ones would die. And i was so scared, even to the point of tears.

But as i grew up, i realised that what i feared wasn't death, but the loss that came with death. I'm not afraid of death itself, because i know there's heaven.What i feared, and still fear, is the loss that comes with the death. Losing the presence of my loved ones with me on earth. Losing the comfort of having them alive and around. Losing the bond we have. That even in heaven, we won't have that relationship anymore, that closeness. That we mayn't recognise each other. The idea of separation, never seeing those i love again. Ever.

In general, i hate loss. I hold many of my personal things with sentimental value and don't like changing them even if they're torn and tattered. I hate the idea that things will be different and what precious things i once held is gone, and replaced by unknown.

Still, i guess learning to trust in God also gave me a kind of assurance. An assurance that a loving God wouldn't create us on this earth to form relationships with others, to love others, and then let these bonds simply vanish once we die, once we enter heaven. The God i know, is a God that values relationships, and though i cannot fathom how heaven will be like with it's huge populace, i'm pretty sure that when i get there, i'll see my grandma again, and the bonds we shared on earth will still be intact. After all, it's something precious that God gave to us, and it's something precious that will remain.

So yes, while i still fear losing things/friends/loved ones, i know God is holding my hand through times when the fear simply grips me so tightly that i feel that i just want to curl up in a hole and let the world pass me by, when i just feel so tired of fearing.